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Why I Won't Watch Star Wars, But Will Watch Solo

"How can you not like Star Wars?"
Do you know how often I get that question? About as often as I say that I don't like Star Wars (which isn't often).
I didn't grow up with Star Wars. I didn't watch any of the movies until I was 14. So I don't have the emotional connection to Star Wars that everyone else does.
Which leads me to want the same thing from a Star Wars movie as I do from any other movie:
To enjoy myself
I don't care about a Star Wars movie being good. I care about a Star Wars movie entertaining me personally.

So what does entertain me personally? What would I want from a Star Wars movie that would make it my favorite movie ever?
Cleverness
I want to shake my head in disbelief during a movie and think "How did you even think of that?": "How did that writer think of this?", "How did this character think to do that thing at that moment?"
I will never see a cleverer fight scene than the Wheel of Fortune in Pirates 2.
I will never see a cleverer script than The Prestige.
I will never see a cleverer single stunt than The A-Team flying a tank.
But I want real cleverness. I don't want fake cleverness like Sherlock. I want a filmmaker to actually be clever and to set up characters who are clever instead of just showing off a clever character without proper set-up.

But cleverness is hard. And impressing a movie-savvy audience with a filmmaker's cleverness is even harder. So I assume a movie won't be clever until someone assures me it actually is clever.
That's the real reason I'm tired of Star Wars. There's nothing in the entire franchise that makes me think "How did they so-and-so of that?" They're just normal movies. And after not getting what I want from 7 and a half movies (I only watched the last 40 minutes of Rogue One), I don't have any inclination whatsoever to watch The Last Jedi. Not because it's a bad movie. Not because it's a bad Star Wars movie. But because I already know I won't be entertained by a Star Wars movie.
I will watch Solo: A Star Wars Story, because Kathleen Kennedy said it would be "a western heist movie", and heist movies tend to be genuinely clever. But Episode IX? Rian Johnson's trilogy? Untitled Star Wars Anthology Movie? I already know they won't be clever, because they would rather be Star Wars than be clever.
Which, honestly, is just fine. Most people don't care about cleverness. They care about what entertains them, just like I care about what entertains me. And I'll accept that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. Others will get their movies, and they'll rejoice in them. And every once in a while, I'll get a movie for me. And I'll rejoice in it.
So while you're hoping Episode IX is as good at the original trilogy (SPOILER ALERT: it isn't), I'll be hoping Fast & Furious Nine is as clever as Furious 7 (SPOILER ALERT: it isn't). And we'll both be disappointed.
And while you're re-watching Star Wars, I'll be re-watching Tintin. And we'll both have a great time.
And if you're available, I'll see you at movie night for Solo.
I'll bring the Sour Patch Kids.
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